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Lieber mit dem alten Partner etwas Neues, als mit einem neuen Partner wieder das Alte!

The reason for

As an answer to the situation of marriages and the requirement of a family counseling-center we have founded  the Hagen - Iserlohn - Menden. 'Partnerschule' is a school for couples to learn successful relationship (Sanders 1996, Sanders 2000).

The prospect to learn something new is infectious

Why the name

A lot of clients can identify themselves easier with a student than with someone who is psychological ill and needs therapy. At school you don't necessarily need to know anything at the beginning and you are allowed to make mistakes, you are guided to learn good behavior and most of all you are not alone. There are others like you in a class community. The following shows what the content of this school is and what the clients are going to learn. On the basis of empirical material it’s supposed to show, how to get along with each other and to involve this kind of knowledge into the marriage and family.


  • People want to feel good in their close relationships. They experience it through relaxation and through thinking of themselves as valuable and competent in a group.

  • They want to understand how the getting along with each other works, why they act the way they do and why their partner does so.

  • They want to expand their potentials

  • They want to receive their life and forward it.

  • They want to raise their children as good as possible

  • Couples want to stay together, they want that love grows until death parts them.

But why don’t these desires always come true?

Stumbling blocks in the way to a good marriage and a good relationship:

A. Traditional predominance of men
The evolution of reliable contraceptives made Sexuality of men and women not any longer a only a reproduction oriented sexuality but a social sexuality. Herewith sexuality became not any longer a commitment to marriage but also a it changed into a consumption possession.

B. Sexuality as social communication
The evolution of reliable contraceptives made sexuality of men and women is not any longer only a reproduction oriented sexuality but has become  a socialized  sexuality. Herewith sexuality isn't  any longer only a commitment to marriage but also a “must” it changed into a consumption and possession.

C. Early disturbed experiences in childhood cause dysfunktional relationship
Some clients are in some ways negatively influenced by their experiences in relationships especially in their childhood. Implicit experiences in relationships which are not accessible to the conscious mind might be the cause to never ending conflicts.

D. Emotions as base of a marriage in today`s society
If couples are asked, what is the base of living together, the answer usually is: luck, love, affection and trust. Most relationships are based on these psychological and affective things, which are a very shaky foundation. When couples realize that love or luck aren't there any longer a separation seems to be the only answer. The increasing of divorces is not based on the loss of sense in marriage, it  is based on the emotional meaning. Under this pressure it often happens that love is not enough, and  when this occurs, separation seems to be the only solution in today's society.

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