partnerschule.de - a procedure to clarify and master family crises

The situation of couples and families

The insecurity of organizing a relationship and the wanting to avoid the negative results of separation and divorce, leads a lot of people to a marital and family counseling agency. There is obviously a longing for answers how to manage life, what is right and what is wrong and which competences are needed today to succeed in relationships.

People of postmodern time
People are part of a social system that a lot of times exerts to subtle coercions. First of all there is the individualisation which gave everyone the possibilty for autonomy, emanzipation and freedom in the wider sense. The result can be the lack of solidarity of a community.Furthermore exerts the consumation of media to a loss of aboriginal experiences: f.ex. the woods are not experienced by a walk but by TV. The same applies for the experience of interpersonal relationships. Instead of keeping a good relationship with their neighbours, with enjoyement, arguments but also solidarity, these qualities are arranged second hand via TV or Video through soap operas.

Former solidarity structures are broken and refer the Individuum back to himself
Lifed solidarity of different frameworks, like the work organisations or the christian associations have lost a lot of their importance. We come across a boundlessness of sensual choices- an inflation of values. This inflation of values causes uncertainties like the living situation of men and women coined in an abundance of socialy accepted ways of living as a family.

The wishes of clients
Shortly an analysis of expectencies which clients have expressed on marital and family counselling offices has been published. (Saßmann & Klann 2002). Some of the results were unexpected. Clients expect more support of their close social environement. 89% of the Interviewed clients of marital and family counselling offices wished to have more contact to friends and 59% more contact to their neighbours. Although goals and wishes for contacts exist they seem to be difficult to be realised. 61% declared to be prepared to get involve themselves in a self-help group.

Since the beginning of the ninetees research on couple counselling shows pretty accurate which kind of problems couples want to talk about in the sessions. (Klann &Hahlweg 1994, Klann 2002). The main topics are: turning towards the partner (65%),Sexuality (64%), Communication/mutual talks (59%), demands of the partner (57%), missing acceptance/support of the partner 54%) Non-marital relationships“are located on place 19 (Klann 2002, S.98).

Results of separation and divorce
A lot of research has been made on the results of separation and divorce. A recent overview can be find by Hahlweg and Bodenmann (Grau & Bierhoff 2003 S. 193 bis S.198). They cite of a research that says, that for example children of divorced families have a 33% higher mortality risk and that their life expectancy is around four years less than the one of stabil families.(a.a.O.S.195) The main factors for life satisfaction, were love and partnership and family, their positiv outcome the main source of happiness in life and stable body and soul conditions. (S. 192).

The challenge

Regarding the consequences for the clients and their families it is necessary to adjust the marital counselling to a concept that transfers competences for relationships to change the emotional quality to a more positive one and to ensure a more life satisfying relationship.